When I wake up at 7:30 am on a Saturday, I don’t expect to be humiliated and frustrated until I have the brain capacity to think of how I should have dealt with the situation after it actually occurred and if I had the confidence to do so. As much as I love getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep Monday through Friday, I do enjoy staying snuggled in my comforter and temperpedic mattress at least one day out of the weak. The only reason why I subject myself to more sleep deprivation is the self esteem boost I try to give myself by going to Total Conditioning at Lifetime Fitness. It gives me some pleasure to be one of the only teens in the class, able to keep up to the pace of the overly hyped trainer who has just taught back to back to back fitness classes and has muscles radiating from every part of her body, and smiling continually with the satisfaction of making us hurt, while all the other older ladies in the class have to do their pushups on their knees. I don’t like to be shown up. I like to be in the front of the room and everyone thinking, “I wish I had a body like hers.” So I was immediately on edge when I saw you standing in the front of the line, waiting for the other total conditioning class to be let out, with one of Athleta workout outfits with the matching top and skirt. I could feel my blood start to get clogged in my face as I began to despise your suttle-yet-purposeful bragging that you were giving off to every other person waiting in line with the yellow sweat stained shirt that is worn every time. Don’t try to act naïve, I know how much those outfits cost, I see them in the Athleta catalogs my mom drools and fantasizes over. Also, skirts are for tennis, church, and anything but working out. There is only one conclusion to this equation: If you will spend as much money on a workout outfit as I would on 7 months of food, you must think you are VERY fit.
The doors open and the energy drained women crawl out of the other class, and you run in, going straight to the front of the room, then right to the silver weights. The heaviest ones. The ones that the rare guys grab for total conditioning. It’s a difficult class, even I can get tired off of my pink 2 pound weights, I can barely lift the silver weights, and you are ready to do multiple arm curls with them. I now even more am angrier at the fact that you have the same thought process as me: make the other people feel bad about themselves to make yourself feel better. Were you abandoned as a child? Is that why you need people to secretly envy you?
My last hope is the thought that you aren’t actually that fit but rather just think you are more hulk like in your messed up mind. But no. You are much worse. Not only can you lift those 14 pounders even in the speed tricep extensions, you are going FASTER than the trainer and moving your overpriced colorful shoes quicker than she. There is one thing that urks me more than people thinking they aren’t showing off when really they are: brown nosers. And of course, you are sucking up to the trainer as you laugh at all her dry jokes to try to distract us from the pain in our thighs, butt, and arms.
After that dreadful day, I calmed my endorphined brain that I would never have to see you again. I was relieved when I didn’t see you waiting in line the next day. But then I saw you walk over to the treadmill, and immediately start at a pace that I can’t even do at my fastest. And you were wearing the same outfit. The next day. With the same shiny shoes, and 100 dollar headband. Then you come into total conditioning! After everyone just saw you run 3 miles in like 15 minutes. And of course your still have your much loved energy.
I had a feeling I wasn’t going to be seeing the end of you, and as usual, I was right. You show up at every other subsequent class I go to. Even the ones at different times than total conditioning and completely different classes. I assume its because you follow my example and just try to show me up and try to jam my self esteem between your two silver free-weights.
You are just like me. But only I am allowed to make others feel bad with my youthful energy and ability to do 3 exercises in one day. I don’t do well with copycats, so could you please tune your muscular body down a bit?
Sincerely,
Briana
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